Ending our 1 year relationship had to be one of the toughest decisions I have ever made. I mean, during a time where i didn't know who I was or who I wanted to be, his patience was everlasting; and most importantly, very needed. During our relationship, I stopped working and concentrated solely on school, which of course, left me with no money for my cell phone bill; and even at this time my car had met its maker which led me to being without a car. Taking on a full class load, with no money (other than the pocket change I was getting for typing papers for my classmates), he remained patient; because according to him, "I was worth it."
Yes, like any other couple we had our spats and disagreements, from our religious difference, to our views on current events; but after every heated argument, and after every spat he would say "I just want peace, and I want that with you...because you're worth it". Truth be told, I didn't feel worth it. I didn't understand how someone so patient and so calm could think the likes of me, was "worth it". From day one of our meeting, I knew he wasn't going to be like the other men I had dated. I remember sitting in church (during a time where I was still trying to find God and see Him for who He really was) and giving him the "side eye" during an attempt to check him out. I couldn't figure out how to approach this man, but yet I know I wouldn't forgive myself if I didn't.
Well, like several other attempts I failed. I couldn't mustard up the courage to approach him, even though, after being instructed by my aunt, both he and his mom had asked about me. Eventually both my aunt and his mom got together in an attempt to set us up.
From our first awkward encounter at church, to our first date; he remained non judgmental as to where I was in my life. I was 2 years older than him, and yet he had surpassed me on many levels; which later benefited our relationship. A week after we "made it official", I turned 21, and after a week of asking myself, my aunt, and even his mom as to what I would want for my birthday; he showed up to my birthday dinner empty handed. Confused, and maybe a little upset (ok, downright pissed!) the dinner continued with a mixture of my family, friends, and my new boyfriend. Leaving to go to my aunt and uncles, he offered to drive; and there it sat! In the front passenger seat, a blue velvet teddy bear, with a card that he had written "I thank God everyday for you" beside it. Why all this? Well, according to him, I was worth it!
The demise of our relationship didn't follow a heated argument like the other times we had broken up; no this time, it followed an epiphany. For the first time in any of my relationships, this man treated me like a queen. He was respectful, my family adored him, and he bent over backwards to make me happy, no matter how difficult it was at the time; but he just wasn't the one. "Stay with him until you learn to love him properly" some instructed. "Hes a good guy!" they said. Well, that's very true. He was not only a good guy, he was caring, funny, calm, shy...
he was everything I wasn't.
But I wasn't in love with that. Truth is, I wasn't in love with him...
but with the image.
We had started discussing marriage, which for me was the PRIZE! We had even began to start covering as to how we were going to raise our kids (due to some religious differences), and after uncovering how incompatible we truly were, I made the promise to myself that I loved him more in leaving than staying in love with the relationship, because to me, he was worth it.
He was worth the truth of knowing that I was not the person for him, and he was worth finding that person that was going to be all those things for him, as he was to me....
Because He Was Worth It.
Many times, we as women are blinded by the image of being married, or by finding our prince charming, that we often forget that sometimes we're both worth that happiness. I knew continuing to carry on this relationship wasn't fair to him. He deserved the same patience, happiness, and other qualities that he had given to me; returned back to him.
I wasn't going to be that person to deprive him of such things,
because I loved him enough to know....
He was worth it.
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