Sunday, December 7, 2014

The Single Season


 Like many, I have experienced the single season. The single season, consists of a season where you just can't "get it right" in the relationship department. After many attempts (and I do mean many), you can't help but feel that you may have a sign permanently nailed to your forehead reading "undateable". But I can promise you this..that sign isn't real. I promise that you don't have a sign on your forehead, and that you are worthy enough to one day be in a successful, fulfilling relationship. I know how frustrating this season can be, but understand that just like all seasons, you HAVE to learn a couple of things before being promoted to the next. 

When I was younger, my goal was to be married by the time I was 19 (thank God, only He knows best). Every year after turning 19, I beat myself up over not being married. Even after one or two serious relationships, I found myself always frustrated with the fact that I was always single. I wanted to go on dates, and have long conversations with the opposite sex. I wanted to be reminded how pretty I was on a daily basis, just like many of my friends were...
but that didn't happen.

In my 26th year, I learned a few things while being single, and to be honest, these lessons made the single season worth every moment. 

Lesson 1:
Just because you don't have a particular person always reminding you how attractive you are, doesn't mean you aren't.
I always found myself struggling with finding myself attractive. Unlike most of my peers, I didn't have a boyfriend telling me how gorgeous I was, so I had to learn to do it myself. I had to learn to wake up every morning and find something new to love about myself, and remind myself that this was something to love. Not only by myself, but by many. 

Lesson 2:
Being single is NOT a life sentence. 
I know how long this season can feel. I know how it feels to always think "eventually, my appointed one will come along....". And guess what? Eventually, they will. Right now you are in hiding. God has put you aside to work on you before He brings forth your appointed one. This step is the most important one to understand in the single season. Just because you don't have people flocking to you left and right, doesn't mean that you will forever be single. Stop speaking that over your life too. God not only wants us to trust Him in what He's doing in our lives, but He still wants us to speak life over our lives as well. This season will end, and you will be better because of it.

Lesson 3:
Settling is NEVER an option.
Stop. I repeat. Stop settling. No matter what the world tells you to do, sometimes you have to become deaf to its advice. According to many, I remained in the single season, because I refused to settle. After years of listening to that advice, I finally took it. It was the worst decision ever made in my life. I had always said that I didn't want to have sex before marriage, and yet the world had advised me that I would have to, in order to end this single season. They said that I would have to be ok with being cheated on, and even date those that I just didn't find attractive in order for this season to come to an end. After taking the advice of the world, the only thing that came to an end was me. I lost who  I was completely, trying to settle for less than what God had in store for me. Just because the world tells you that you have to settle to be happy, doesn't mean that you do. Remember this:
"When we settle, we are telling God we are just not patient enough for what He has in store for us."

Lesson 4:
It's ok to be alone.
I have always hated being alone. My brother and I are 14 months apart, so I like to think that I was born to not be alone. After moving away for the first time when I was 24, I spent many nights crying because I was alone. I was in a new city with no dating prospects or even familiar faces, and I was miserable because of it. I found the constant reminder of "enjoy this time" from my cousins. They have been together since college, and even after starting a family, they both gave me the constant speech of pacing myself, and not being in a rush to not be alone. It took time for me to finally enjoy this time of being alone. The moment I finally realized what being alone was, I regretted ever fearing it. This time was all about me getting to know myself, and enjoying my own company. I always looked at being in a relationship as a cure for being alone...when in reality, its only a diversion. 

Lesson 5:
It's ok to want to be in love.
The most amazing thing happens when you meet the one that is meant for you. You fall in love.  I just wanted to be in love, and for most part, I just wanted someone to love me. And to be honest, I was sick and tired of everyone telling me that I was wrong for wanting to feel this way. I wasn't wrong, I was human. From birth, babies cry; sometimes wanting to be fed, changed, and many times just wanting to be held. I wasn't some pathetic hopeless romantic; I was human. It was ok for me to want to have someone to conquer the world with me. It was ok for me to want someone by my side when I did the impossible. And it was even ok for me to want someone to be my shoulder to cry on when life kicked me down. 

We have got to stop telling ourselves that this single season is a punishment, or life sentence. Instead, we have to learn from this season, and grow because of it. 

My dear singles, this isn't your destination, just a visiting place for you. Keep going. 

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