Dear Son,

Dear Son,

Although you're far from present, you're often thought about. As your mother, I know that I'm  obligated to protect you from many things; but unfortunately, some things not even I or your father can keep you away from. This day and age for men like yourself is dangerous. Unfortunately, no matter how many degrees you get, how loved you are, and how valuable you are to the world, some people will forever look at you as a mere target. To many ignorant people, you will be considered dangerous, a threat, and deserving of mistreatment just based on the color of your skin.

Dear Son,

Love and respect them regardless. Don't form any opinion on any race, sex, religion based on bad experiences. Everyone is not the same. 

My prayer for you love, is that you understand that despite of what the world says you are, you're worth so much more. I know that you'll make mistakes, and I know that your father and I will mistakenly TRY to define you by your mistakes...BUT DON'T YOU DARE LET US! Or anyone else for that matter. It's so easy to judge others mistakes, when we have by God's grace and mercy been able to avoid making them. But my King, these mistakes are only stepping stones to get you closer to the path God has prepared for you. Let Him continue to work not only IN you, but through you.

Dear Son,

You will meet a girl one day, and I'm sorry to say this, but I will be jealous of not just her...but of them all! Forgive me. Your dad and I will have talks for hours about me being too overprotective of you, but my love...it's not just you that I'm overprotective of... it's also your heart. Treat not just your wife, like a queen; but EVERY woman you encounter. Pray for her, dear son. Love her. Lead her. Respect her. Yes, I know, praying for her may not be the most popular, but you HAVE to understand, that being a leader at times requires you to do whats not considered popular at all times. 

Dear Son,

Like I said before, I will be jealous of her. But, I will NOT tolerate you ever disrespecting her. No, I'm not taking her side.

But I do remember the many tears I shed over men who didn't treat or love me correctly. I can still feel the heartbreak from my first relationship, and even the embarrassment of staying around men who were just no good for me. Son, those tears are real. Don't take them lightly. I know that you hate seeing me cry (even though I know by now, you've learned I'm a cry baby), so learn to hate seeing her cry too..

and do your best to not make her. 

Dear Son,

Read books. Play Sports. Travel. Have Fun. 

I know that your dad is constantly having talks with you, leading you to your manhood, but my King, understand that he not only wants you to be a man, he hates to see you grow up. I'll do my best to remind him that you're just a child..

but

Dear Son,

although you are just a child, you are a child that will grow into a black man; and making sure that you grow into that role properly and successfully, your dad will not rest until that is done. We will mention names like, Emmett Till, Trayvon Martin, and Mike Brown; and the older you get, and the more you hear these stories about these black men you will understand your dad more.  He's not meaning to be too hard on you, he just loves you; and yes I love you too, but I just don't think I can love you quite like he does. Its different my King. A dad's love is so strong, while at times a mom's love can be soft. You'll understand more when you have your first son, and even your first daughter. 

Dear Son,

You are so worthy. God says so. Follow Him, and when you're terrified to come to us, go to Him. You will never understand just how much He loves you, until you go to Him needing EVERYTHING, while having NOTHING to offer...

and yet, He loves you just the same. 

Pray, dear son. 

Keep your focus on Him, and I promise you that He will lead you to places you could never imagine your feet would touch. 

He is God, and He's so real!

Trust me. 

Dear Son, 

The world will forever try to label you, and I know how frustrating this may be. Keep a heart of God, forgiveness like Him too, and I guarantee that the weapons will be formed, but they just won't prosper. 

You are an heir to the throne. You are not just a black king...but a king!

remember that, dear son.

To "be" or "not to be" CONVICTED.

Conviction [kuh n-vik-shuh n]

"The act of convicting; a declaration that a person is guilty of an offense. "

When was the last time you were convicted of something? I'm not talking about being taken to jail or anything because of mistakes; but more so spiritually convicted? This is a word that was heard often in church, while I was growing up, but until recently, I never quite understood what conviction truly was. Recently, my best friend and I met for lunch at my favorite place (IHOP!! Yuum) and while he was eating, and I was preparing to eat, I asked him, "Is conviction a punishment, or blessing?". The look that came across this place as he was preparing to put his fork of food in his mouth, he asked "What kind of question is that?".

To be honest, I don't know where that question came from. I can't even recall what caused me to bring this up for discussion while I was eating my New York Cheesecake pancakes---but I asked. And from that one question, well after my pancakes were gone, and our glasses of Dr.Pepper had been refilled at least more than 6 times; we were led into an hour long discussion about what conviction really is and is it truly a punishment or blessing.

Well after our hour long discussion that was mixed with laughs, tears (of course from me) and different opinions, we parted ways. After this conversation, my best friend left defining his conviction, while I was traveling three and a half hours away to get away  from mine. Yes, I was running from the conviction that I was facing. 

For several months, I had been in the season of conviction , and as upset as I found myself frustrated with the season, I couldn't help but still see conviction as a blessing. 

Yes...I saw my conviction as a blessing. 

I know that may sound crazy, especially to those who have been convicted by God before, but let me explain. During this time, my cup was empty. I couldn't make it through a good nights sleep, without being awaken at 3:43AM for about a month; and yet as much as I was running from this conviction, I was still holding on to the fact that I would appreciate it. For those who have never been convicted of anything, let me explain exactly what it feels like--or at least what my experience felt like. 

While I was sleeping, God would wake me up just to talk, and as much as I would try to walk around my house or even rock myself back to sleep, I would still find myself wide awake during a time where even the rest of the world was sleeping. I would be talking about something, and trying my hardest to explain what it was that I wanted to do, and I would find myself speaking exactly what it was that God wanted me to do. Not only was I a sleepy, stuttering person for a while, but I was confused. I felt guilty because I knew exactly where God was leading me, and I knew that He was not agreeing with the decisions I decided to take to avoid His path; and yet, like clockwork---

I would wake up at 3:43AM, stutter my way through conversations in confusion of who's words I was really speaking, and find myself even more confused than the day before. Almost like God was saying "Well...we're going to try this again today.."

My dears, this is where conviction is such a blessing. Everyday, although we have decided to go our own ways, God still tries again. He sees us walking on the wrong path, and yet, He always finds a way to put us right back on track; even if that means He has to convict us!  I was running like heck trying to get away from Gods' conviction. I wanted to continue to live my life the way I had chosen, and ignore what He has been telling me. Occasionally, I still find myself smiling at the blessing that Gods' conviction was wrapped in.

As much as I was trying to run away from it, its so amazing what came from it!

Who's going to save me from being single?

If you're apart of the elite group of "singles" please continue to read. If by chance you find yourself committed to someone, and fear ever entering back into singlehood, you may want to continue reading too.

Well, as another year ends, a birthday has passed, and even several holidays where I promised myself I would be in a relationship by now have come and gone. The chilly weather has arrived, and to be honest, the only thing keeping me warm now a days is a fleece jacket and knee high boots I bought myself last Christmas. Yes. The single life. Not that being completely dateless for all major holidays is enough of a reminder that I'm in my late 20s and still single, I have constant reminder of this singlehood by the constant questions of  "Oh, when are you getting married?", "Do you plan on getting married soon? You're getting old." and my favorite question of them all, "When are you going to have a wedding to invite us to?". Yes. I know. I'm always the bridesmaid, and never the bride...do I really need anymore reminders though?

 

If getting in a relationship was as easy as many "non singles" made it to be, I do believe that instead of purchasing knee high boots for myself last Christmas, they would have been a gift from "him" instead of from "yours truly.". I've spent most of my life hating and despising the single life. I remember how horrible I made my 25th birthday, consumed and drowning in the self pity of my own despair. All because, unlike many of my friends, I saw another birthday ...

single!

After getting through that, I promised myself that I would never have another birthday like that again. So what did I do?

Did I meet someone and fall in love, and was saved from this  horrible single life?

Was my biggest prayer answered, and was a handsome, Christian man dropped from the sky right into my living room?

No.

I just found myself loving to be single.

I know, how cliché' is that? But I did! I came to realize that it was time for me to "Ring the Alarm!", tell every man he was "Irreplaceable", I came to realize, I needed someone who saw me as "Flawless"

(Yes. these are all Beyoncé references)

but you get the point.

The question that I began to ask myself was simple; why is being in a relationship so important? Other than having dates for holidays that were meant to be spent with someone, I realized I was just looking for someone to save me. Yes, save me from living single. I wanted to have someone that could save me from those days where life has kicked me down to only kick me down again. I craved a relationship, because like many, I wanted to date, travel, and have fun with someone. But just like any "ah-ha" moment, it hit me.

I was looking for a relationship to save me, when God created me to save myself.

I could and have very well, attended holiday dinners/functions dateless; I've learned to get in the boxing ring with "life" and fight...and even win! I've traveled and seen new places (well, a few places) alone or with my best friend.  

My dear, living single doesn't mean that you have to hate this season, and it definitely doesn't mean that you have to wait for someone to save you from the world. You were created to be whole alone, just not to remain alone. Enjoy this season singles. Just think..

who can save you better, than you can save yourself?

I borrowed him from her...

Just like many singles, I spent my nights praying for my "appointed one"; so needless to say, I was quite pleased when I met him. He wasn't EVERYTHING on my list, but he was enough. He was charming, kind, Christian, funny, and had a heart of gold. I just knew for sure he was mine. I remember just like before getting on my knees nightly praying, but this time around instead of begging God to send my "appointed one", I was thanking Him for doing so.

 

I just knew after meeting him and even talking about marriage, he was the one; which is why I was so shocked when he turned out not to be. Nothing changed. Even after our breakup he was still charming, kind, Christian, funny, and had a heart of gold; but that just wasn't enough anymore. One day we agreed that it was best to part ways; I mean, if you love something enough let it go, and if its truly yours it'll come back, right? Well, he didn't come back, and after many sad and lonely nights, I grew to be thankful that he didn't. You see, he was never mine...I just borrowed him. No, this wasn't some secret affair, or any odd threesome. This was special. He was special. Now, knowing all of this, I figured that I would struggle with returning him to be free, but this time around it was quite simple.

 

 He was never meant to be mine; only a loner. I found the strength to finally find the strength, the acceptance, to thank God for this loner; because he was everything that I needed. He just wasn't mine to have. He was hers. He did his own thing, and I did mine. He dated a few, and so have I. He's engaged, and well...I'm still praying for my "appointed one"; and that's ok. This loner, was something special. You see, he was charming, kind, Christian, funny, and had a heart of gold...only difference is, he wasn't mine to have, he was hers.

Let your groom clean your dress

One of the most exciting purchases for a woman's wedding, is the purchase of her wedding dress. We plan that special day with our closest friends and parents, and we go around the world searching for the wedding dress of our dreams. It must look a certain way, fit in a special way, and attract the attention and approval of onlookers and most importantly; that special man waiting at the end of the aisle for us. My wedding dress, like all, was purchased in advance to the wedding date. Now, I know most would think that the bulk of the stress would be removed once this dress was purchased, but for myself, this is where the stress began. I found myself putting on this dress daily, in excitement for the BIG DAY! Each day I put this dress on, I noticed this dress that was purchased for me began to become to turn from a bright white to a dirty beige. I didn't think much of the change of color my wedding dress had taken on; after a while I had forgotten that what was once a bright beautiful wedding dress, had lost its pureness. So the big day arrived, and there I stood in front of my mirror with my hair and makeup done so beautifully. I had my something old, my something new, but found that there was no need for anything borrowed or anything blue... I mean, what was once my beautiful, pure white wedding dress appeared to be borrowed, and had grabbed on to many different colors, including blue. "They wont notice." I thought, "I'll just walk out there full of confidence, not letting anyone know that this dress which was purchased with sweat and blood had somehow gotten dirty". I reassured myself that no one would notice, and grabbed my bouquet of flowers and prepared to walk down the aisle to meet my groom. "He'll love me regardless, despite of how dirty I appear..." I said, as I prepared to enter the sanctuary. The doors opened, the guests stood, and "Here Comes the Bride" played on the organ. "I got this! No one will even notice how dirty the dress is!" I whispered to myself. I took one step and then another, and with each step taken, the whispers and comments hit were hit my ears like knives! "Look at how filthy that dress is!" one visitor exclaimed; while another said "He'd be a fool to marry her looking like that!". Somehow, through all the comments I made it to the alter, where He stood. My veil was no longer just hiding my beauty from Him, but my shame and embarrassment. "I'm sorry" I whispered. My head still down in shame, and He lifted my veil. "For what?" He asked as he looked at my tear stricken face. "I'm dirty, don't you see? I wanted to be beautiful for you. But I wanted to make sure that the guests would think I was just as beautiful. I know this dress was bought with blood, sweat, and tears, but now I've made it worthless!". "Worthless?" He asked. How many times have gone out into the world, and gotten your wedding dress dirty? I'm sure its happened more times than you can remember. We are all walking around ashamed and embarrassed of the stains that we've managed to get that we find ourselves running from God, instead of to Him. Many stains are embedded deeper than we would ever think could be removed, but thankfully we serve such a God, a groom even, that loves us despite of the stains, the falls, the failures, the hiccups. He doesn't care what others say, He doesn't care what we've done, He just wants to marry us so He can clean us! Many times, we find ourselves so consumed with the thoughts and hurry of getting married, but we often find ourselves neglecting the groom of the church. Christ! I remember such a time, when I went to Him with my dirty, stained dress; I didn't even know where to begin to apologize for ruining what was purchased with His only Son's blood, sweat, and tears! So I didn't. I continued to go into the world, and gain even more stains, and dirt before what was once a pure white wedding dress, appeared to be nothing but an old wash rag. "You don't get it, do you? The wedding dress can be repaired and cleaned, but you my love, can't be too ashamed to come to me! The blood, the sweat, and tears were used to purchase you...BECAUSE YOU ARE WORTH IT!" Let your groom, clean your dress ladies!

Oh How Things Have Changed...

Hello World! I figured that it would be a great time to post some things about myself that is difficult to see through my posts. I haven't been posting as often as I would like, due to me relocating and adjusting to new position with work, getting into a relationship and getting out, ecetra, ecetra. So Im going to give you all 10 Tchernavia Facts. Like to hear them, here they go: Fact 1: I have high hopes on being a youth minister one day! Really, I do. Im in the process of letting God finish working on me before I take that step. Fact 2: My first name is pronounced Cher-nay-via-- German Turkish. Fact 3: I have been writing since I was 9, and personally feel that God speaks to me through writing sometimes. Fact 4: I decided to start "11:11" because I was so interested in starting a YouTube Channel, but then I allowed God to speak to me and I feel that this is where He wanted me to start before going forward with a Youtube Channel, and writing a book. Fact 5: I've been in love...but never correctly. Fact 6: Im ever bit of a Cancer. Im emotional, Im loving, Im passionate. Ever bit of a Cancer. Fact 7: I want the smallest wedding. I want 50 people in all to be present at my wedding. I personally believe that my union is an intimate moment that should be seen by those very close...so...no next door neighhbors kids will be present. lol Fact 8: I simply want to smile..as always Fact 9: If I knew then what I know now about being single, my younger years wouldve been alot more enjoyable as well as alot funner. Fact 10: I have no regrets, I wish I would have done things differently at times, but I firmly believe that everything happens for our better good. Now,, that I've given you all a little insight to who I am, I want to know about you! Leave a comment telling me your top 5 facts, and where you're from. Lets make 11:11 successful!

Cheers To The Men I loved

Ok. Yes. I stand before you, a hopeless romantic. I too have once, twice, well a few times have been bitten by the love bug. I still remember my first crush. He was brilliant. And then my second crush, well, he was a looker! Then my third.....
Well, you get the point. I've loved many, and each so differently.

For each man that I've loved, they've offered so much to me. Although, many loved me incorrectly, they all taught me things that were very valuable. The first crush taught me that although we are taught "persistence will get you far", infatuation gets you no where. One crush taught me, that although many times we as women are at times more obsessed with our looks, being smart and classy will not only catch the attention of others, but will help KEEP it. A one year relationship taught me that the best relationship is not that of people, but our relationship with God.

Now, I know what you're thinking; if all these lessons had been taught from these men, why am I not still with them . That's easy. Each crush, relationship, friendship, etc from these men, served their purpose. I did not leave out of any of these relationships without learning something amazing. I often find myself bragging about how influential these men are  to me. I've been hurt by many, loved incorrectly by some, and left numb by few; but I still take my hat to them all.

For the many who have hurt me, I've been taught about strength.
For the ones who loved me incorrectly, they taught me about standards.
For the ones who left numb, taught me how to pray even harder.

You see, each man has taught me something. No matter the outcome of our relationship.

So Cheers to them....to the men I loved.