To "be" or "not to be" CONVICTED.

Conviction [kuh n-vik-shuh n]

"The act of convicting; a declaration that a person is guilty of an offense. "

When was the last time you were convicted of something? I'm not talking about being taken to jail or anything because of mistakes; but more so spiritually convicted? This is a word that was heard often in church, while I was growing up, but until recently, I never quite understood what conviction truly was. Recently, my best friend and I met for lunch at my favorite place (IHOP!! Yuum) and while he was eating, and I was preparing to eat, I asked him, "Is conviction a punishment, or blessing?". The look that came across this place as he was preparing to put his fork of food in his mouth, he asked "What kind of question is that?".

To be honest, I don't know where that question came from. I can't even recall what caused me to bring this up for discussion while I was eating my New York Cheesecake pancakes---but I asked. And from that one question, well after my pancakes were gone, and our glasses of Dr.Pepper had been refilled at least more than 6 times; we were led into an hour long discussion about what conviction really is and is it truly a punishment or blessing.

Well after our hour long discussion that was mixed with laughs, tears (of course from me) and different opinions, we parted ways. After this conversation, my best friend left defining his conviction, while I was traveling three and a half hours away to get away  from mine. Yes, I was running from the conviction that I was facing. 

For several months, I had been in the season of conviction , and as upset as I found myself frustrated with the season, I couldn't help but still see conviction as a blessing. 

Yes...I saw my conviction as a blessing. 

I know that may sound crazy, especially to those who have been convicted by God before, but let me explain. During this time, my cup was empty. I couldn't make it through a good nights sleep, without being awaken at 3:43AM for about a month; and yet as much as I was running from this conviction, I was still holding on to the fact that I would appreciate it. For those who have never been convicted of anything, let me explain exactly what it feels like--or at least what my experience felt like. 

While I was sleeping, God would wake me up just to talk, and as much as I would try to walk around my house or even rock myself back to sleep, I would still find myself wide awake during a time where even the rest of the world was sleeping. I would be talking about something, and trying my hardest to explain what it was that I wanted to do, and I would find myself speaking exactly what it was that God wanted me to do. Not only was I a sleepy, stuttering person for a while, but I was confused. I felt guilty because I knew exactly where God was leading me, and I knew that He was not agreeing with the decisions I decided to take to avoid His path; and yet, like clockwork---

I would wake up at 3:43AM, stutter my way through conversations in confusion of who's words I was really speaking, and find myself even more confused than the day before. Almost like God was saying "Well...we're going to try this again today.."

My dears, this is where conviction is such a blessing. Everyday, although we have decided to go our own ways, God still tries again. He sees us walking on the wrong path, and yet, He always finds a way to put us right back on track; even if that means He has to convict us!  I was running like heck trying to get away from Gods' conviction. I wanted to continue to live my life the way I had chosen, and ignore what He has been telling me. Occasionally, I still find myself smiling at the blessing that Gods' conviction was wrapped in.

As much as I was trying to run away from it, its so amazing what came from it!